I have days when my smile doesn’t feel quite right. [poem]

I have days when my smile doesn’t

feel quite right.

alien in my skin.

not quite sure how to

fit in.

if a smile even has to

fit in

– mine does.

  

I have days when my chest doesn’t

feel quite right.

a subtle ache.

not quite sure if I

want to cry.

if I even need to

cry

– I do.

  

I have days when my head doesn’t

feel quite right.

hateful thoughts.

wonder if anyone

cares.

the possibility of anyone

caring

– I don’t believe it.

  

I have days when my smile doesn’t

feel quite right.

and I have days when my chest

doesn’t feel quite right.

and I have days when my head

doesn’t feel quite right.

those days –

I don’t exist.

  

  

As of lately, I’ve been posting more poems. I think that’s because I’ve noticed a dip in my mood (as I said before, when I’m happy I don’t feel the need to write as much). I wasn’t sure about posting this one, but then I thought: why not? This blog isn’t just for positivity but for escape and for being myself.

This poem is important to me because it’s accepting that not every day can be perfect. There are days when I get overwhelmed with anxiety and days when I feel so depressed I feel like I’m not really moving within a real world. But that’s okay. Because those days I don’t exist. And that’s what I need to remember: those days are not me and they won’t ever define me.

Maybe this is something you can relate to, maybe not. But it’s really hard to find yourself as a person when stuck in one of these scenarios, where you feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself. And it hurts. It really does hurt. But it’s also temporary. And so, although this is one hell of a depressing poem, I thought I’d write this note to remind myself that there is so much good I can learn from it. And which I hope you can learn from it too.

  

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in this winter garden. [poem]

in this winter garden

the sunflowers wilt

soil dug into holes

for seeds that won’t ever grow.

you can’t see the rain

but the ground is flooded

and the light is shining

on a different patch.

how about

that –

a garden that doesn’t

suit this time of season

there’s no reason

a winter garden

can’t grow.

but here it doesn’t

and maybe one day

you’ll see the rain

and the sun will fall

in just the right place.

the sky waters. [poem]

I’m going to share something a little different today – a palindrome poem! This is a poem that makes sense both forwards and backwards. I haven’t tried this before so thought I’d give it a go! Thanks to selenophile97 for inspiring me with your post!

The sky waters.

A blank slate

Creating

Unseen reflections

My eyes

Water in

Oblivion.

Oblivion.

Water in

My eyes

Unseen reflections

Creating

A blank slate

The sky waters.

sometimes the ground opens up… [poem]

 

sometimes the ground opens up

and I fall.

unexpectedly.

hands clawing at the soil

soul

and feet hanging

in the air

heart hanging

down the stair.

 

it’s a cold night to be

out right now.

music rain

shattering the ear

I’ll hang by the

note.

 

maybe then the ground

can’t take me if I

live on a

sheet of music.

 

I’m flying away

I’m flying away in the breeze.

Travelling to Romania (+ Flash Fiction)

So it feels like forever since I’ve published a blog post but I guess that’s because I’ve been away for a week volunteering in Romania and it’s been super busy! I went as part of a programme called Angloville which, if you didn’t already know, allows you to go abroad to help local children improve their English and in return pays for your accommodation and food. It’s a lot different to traditional teaching as the day is filled with conversational sessions which means you can talk about whatever you like, as well as play games such as dodgeball, table tennis, etc. I had such a great time so I definitely recommend it if you love travelling and want to help people out!

Travelling to Romania is the first time I’ve gone abroad by myself so I was pretty anxious beforehand, but it went a lot better than expected! Once I’d met up with the other volunteers and made friends, it wasn’t so daunting because we could all go around the city together and it was really cool to meet people from all over the world. If you want to see a photo of the cool umbrella street we found, check out my ig here: @mymindspeaksaloud

I’ve only applied to one Angloville programme – you can apply to three if you want to work towards a TEFL teaching certificate, but I wasn’t sure at the time if that’s what I wanted. I think I would do Angloville again, however I’m not sure if the next one could live up to this experience to be honest!

Now that I’m back in England, I still can’t believe how hot it is here. I turned up in Romania ready to wear my shorts and skirts and yet all the rain meant I spent the entire week in jeans! It’s nice to return home and finally be able to wear my summer outfits!

Whilst I was away I wrote this short flash fiction which I thought would be a good way to end this post:

Walking across streets bred from the whispers of unknown worlds, I fall into the cracks of foreign pavements. It’s strange to be known and yet no one to know you at all. It’s strange to be seen and yet your insides reversed, ingrained and found only in somewhere ashore. If not for skin as pale as the moon, I could be one of you. I could be anyone but me and maybe that’s why I like it. If I can pretend for a while perhaps my mind will grow back differently, a new currency of thoughts when I return to familiarity. Foreign streets will grow new seeds inside of me. Will they bloom a new flower or one that has sprouted before?