Newly Discovered Songs!

Recently I’ve discovered some really good artists and songs that I would put in my “Night Car/Walk” playlist, which is basically this playlist I made that has music that seems 100x better when played at night because it’s either calm and/or emotional. I thought I would share these songs (and a few of their lyrics) because they’ve been keeping me going lately and are mostly quite unknown so it’d be nice to promote them.

1. ‘Walk Away’ and ‘End of a Good Thing’ by Cory Wells

‘I’m at a war with myself.’ ~ Walk Away

‘You tell me to brace for the hurricane / ‘Cause the end of a good thing is here.’ ~ End of a Good Thing

I found this artist a few days ago and I immediately connected to his songs and the pure emotion in his voice. He reminds me so much of ‘Movements’, but in the best way possible because I love that band.


2. ‘White Blood’ by Oh Wonder 

‘I’m ready to go, I’m ready to go / Can’t do this alone, can’t do this alone.’

This song was recommended by a friend. I love how calming it is and the whole idea of white blood being someone of protection and needing them because of it.


3. ‘It’s Too Much’ by Moose Blood

‘It’s just too much / And I / I think I’ve had enough.’

It didn’t take long for this song to resonate me – the lyrics, the tune, everything. I love how monotonous it is all the way through, reflecting how tired and fed up he is. I could honestly listen to this all day.


4. ‘Can You Tell Me Something’ by Ky Rodgers

‘If my life turned out a failure, at least you fucking know that I tried.’

I only found this artist this morning actually, recommended on YouTube. Whilst I wasn’t a massive fan of the song that was recommended, I loved this one. Again, it has that similar monotonous tone as ‘It’s Too Much’ and I love it for that.


‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ [Film Review]

Image result for the pursuit of happynessI have phases where I don’t watch any films in ages, mostly because I’m busy, and then I have phases where I watch loads in the space of a few days. After finally seeing ‘The Hangover’ a few days ago (I know, it really did take me this long), I watched ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ the night after and it’s honestly the saddest happiest film I’ve seen.

I didn’t know much about this movie before I saw it, but I’d heard the title thrown about and knew it was worth seeing. I instantly felt a connection with the characters and the struggles of Chris in trying to earn enough money to look after his son (who is such an adorable five year old by the way) and it made me think so much about the world and earning money and how it’s never easy. It was kind of depressing in this aspect, to think that anyone could end up in poverty.

However, I admired the character of Chris so much; he held up an unpaid internship, whilst trying to sell machines, whilst looking after his kid, whilst not having a home or enough money. I honestly can’t imagine doing something like that or how I would even have enough willpower to do it. But he did. And it’s so amazing that he did. Especially since it’s based on a true story.

There were a few quotes that particularly stood out to me that I wanted to talk about.

Image result for the pursuit of happyness


“It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?”

This got me thinking more about the title – something which we often overlook. And the quote is totally right; it isn’t just happiness but the pursuit of it. The plot of the film is Chris’ journey to happiness but the most important part is that he doesn’t know if it’s even achievable. A lot of the time we aim for things and we don’t get them – there’s no way of telling. This is what makes his determination that more admirable, because he has the end in sight despite knowing the chances of achieving it are slim.


“Don’t ever let someone tell you you can’t do something. Not even me.”

I love this quote because it reminds us that if we want to dream big, we should dream big. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says because they aren’t us. And I like how Chris tells this to his son, after saying he can’t become a basketball player. Just because a parent, someone who is supposedly more experienced than you, believes you can’t do it, doesn’t mean you can’t. There is no ‘more experienced’ in the possibilities of fate. Anything can happen.



Image result for the pursuit of happyness

There are also two particular scenes that stood out to me. The first being the one in the subway when they have nowhere to stay. This scene is honestly so heartbreaking because Chris pretends his machine is a time machine so that they’ll imagine dinosaurs which will chase them into a cave (which is really a toilet) so that he protects his son from understanding the truth – that they have nowhere to spend the night and so will have to lock themselves in the toilet to sleep. It reminds you of how young the boy is to have to deal with this and I just felt so much for them in this moment. It’s just beyond any sort of explanation.

The last scene of the movie, however, was just the most overwhelming scene I’ve probably ever watched. It’s like the moment when you open your exam results after spending all that energy and time studying them – you’re overwhelmingly happy but so much so that you suddenly feel extremely emotional about it. It was like that. I didn’t think I’d feel it so intensely until it happened and I think it was the way that Chris didn’t jump up and cheer but he just sat there, still, and tears welled up in his eyes and I felt it more that way. Because I can relate to how it feels to have worked so hard towards something and then to achieve it – it’s a feeling beyond words. And yes I haven’t achieved something as great as he has, but I can only imagine it must be the best feeling in the world. And so even though I ended the film crying my eyes out, it also gave me hope that even in the most awful circumstances, there is always a way out – he is definite proof of that.

‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ is definitely a film that everyone needs to see – to understand the harder parts of life and the lengths we go to get ourselves out of them. It will also make you feel waaay too much but that’s a good thing, right? That’s what films are all about.

What Makes a House a Home?

I was talking with BambooChewer a few days ago about “home” because she’s moving soon and it kind of inspired me to question what actually makes a home a home and not a house.

In my lifetime I’ve had four different homes, but I guess not in the traditional sense. I lived in my first house for the first eleven years of my life and of course, it was the only place at the time I called home. When it came to moving, I was nervous – anyone would be. I remember walking around the house after it had been emptied of furniture and it was so strange, this place that had once been full of all our stuff completely clear of any sign of human life. It was like any proof we’d ever lived there had completely gone. It was kind of like all of my eleven years had gone with it.

The day I moved into my new house was a surreal experience. There was the familiar faces of family but in an unknown environment – kind of like going on holiday except it’s permanent. I unpacked all my stuff straight away but my room was smaller and there was less space. It wasn’t ideal but it was just how things had to be. You wake up the next day and you have that moment where you wonder where you are before you remember again. And then from that moment onwards, it becomes normal again.

When I moved into this house, I also simultaneously moved into my Dad’s new house. I remember painting the walls and shopping for new decorations – it’s something any eleven year old would enjoy. But that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t weird. Suddenly going from one home to two new houses, whilst dealing with the divorce and starting secondary school that year, wasn’t going to be easy. It was probably one of the hardest years for me. However, looking back I can now easily say that more than one home does exist, even if at the time you’re completely convinced otherwise.

I think that a lot of the time people and connections and memories make up your home as much as the place itself does. Without them, your home is merely just a building with you inside it. With them, it’s a building full of everything and everyone inside it (whether in the present or in the past). Think of when you go on holiday. At first, your hotel room is unfamiliar and strange. It takes a while to get used to. However, by the end of the week it feels normal. You have memories of certain things. You can even remember the layout of it years later. It became a temporary home without you even knowing it.

Recently, I encountered my fourth home which is at university. This change was pretty different from the one before because it really did occur without any people or memories at all. At first, there was no link whatsoever to it being a home. However, now that I’ve been here for 6 months and I know people and I have memories, it’s become one. And yes, sometimes I still wake up and wonder which of the three houses I’m in – that’s inevitable – but I feel comfortable in all of them in different ways. They’re all home to me, even if they don’t feel the same. Because no home is ever going to feel the same as another, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t as good.

So I guess the point of this is to say that if you’re ever moving away and you’re scared, it’s only temporary. Once something becomes familiar and we can associate it with people and memories we know, it becomes livable. And new environments can sometimes be really good for us. They motivate us to change ourselves alongside our changed surroundings. They stop us from focusing too much on ourselves (because we’ve become so used to our normal surroundings we ignore them) and focus on what’s new around us. It’s a way of moving forward.

I hope you all find a home in your house ❤

Does Pain Have a Body?

Today I finally finished ‘Moby Dick’ (oh my god major cheers crying with happiness) and despite being thoroughly bored with the long-winded paragraphs (or should I say 500 pages) about whales and wishing it would be more action-packed, it is actually really interesting to analyse. Today I came across a particular phrase that struck me which I’d like to talk about here!

“All the things that most exasperate and outrage mortal man, all these things are bodiless…”

This phrase stemmed from a description about the wind and how it can’t ‘receive a single blow’ as you simply ‘run through it’. It’s one of those moments in a book where out of nowhere you just stop and think about it and that’s exactly what I did. Because somehow thinking about the wind as a target and someone trying to hit it never occurred me (which isn’t surprising because it’s not exactly an everyday occurrence, but still).

I think this idea of humans being destroyed the most by things that are bodiless is just so interesting because when you think about it, aren’t we hurt most of all by mere concepts? You might say we suffer through relationships by other people, but isn’t that from the concept of love rather than the individual themselves? Without the love aspect, they’re just any other person. The same with if someone took your ball in the playground in primary school and you were hurt because they wouldn’t give it back. Isn’t that suffering from the concept of justice rather than the person themselves, because if it wasn’t unfair, it wouldn’t be bad in the first place?

Also when you consider mental health, there is no arguing this is pain that is bodiless because it’s all in your head. However, if other situations, like I’ve mentioned above, were bodiless too, wouldn’t they be treated in the same way as mental health? But they’re not. So perhaps they’re not bodiless after all.

What actually defines a body or makes something bodiless? Does it literally have to have arms and legs and a brain? Does it merely have to be visible? I guess it’s hard to say. In relation to the quote, I think perhaps it’s talking about verbalised pain – racism, verbal abuse. But is saying these things that are bodiless outrage man the most even fair? Surely any kind of pain, whether bodiless or not, is awful.

I guess perhaps Melville is saying that invisible pain is somewhat worse because of its invisibility. If it cannot be seen, how can it be understood? How can it be treated? And this in itself adds to the pain to make it worse. If just we had depression in the form of a walking body or a physical being embodying the love in a relationship. Although these things are exuded through our bodies, they aren’t ultimately seen as a body in themselves; we as humans hide and repress so much that they can’t possibly be shown in their fullest extent through us. Maybe this is for the better. Who even knows?

To be honest I don’t know what I even agree with so far in this post because all these ideas have suddenly sprung to my mind, but it’s certainly something to think about.

If you could wish all pain to have a body, would you?

simmering. [poem]

that feeling


I can feel it at the

pit of my stomach.

I don’t know what it is but it’s

what causes these tears,

this gulp of depressive air

followed by days till revival.

and I wish I somehow knew

how to disperse this simmering


but my head is so full of


too much

too much of everything

and even after a good day

it sometimes won’t

calm down.

Why Do You Read?

A while ago I shared a blog post about why we write and I thought to follow this, it would make sense to write one about why we read.

Here are a few quotes that inspired this:

“‘You identify with the characters; you feel as if it’s your own heart that’s beating beneath their costumes.’… ‘Have you ever had the experience…of finding, in a book, some vague idea you’ve had, some shadowy image from the depths of your being, which now seems to express perfectly your most subtle feelings?'” Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert (p75)

“…this drama is not fiction or romance. All is true. So true that everyone can recognize its elements in his own circle, perhaps in his own heart.” Pere Goriot by Honore de Balzac (p2)

From these, I particularly love the idea of your heart ‘beating beneath their costumes’. A lot of the time we read as an escape, but I think more than anything it’s a way to find people who understand you. I love that feeling when you read something and it’s exactly how you feel, or is put into words so perfectly that you’re just like aaaa ( because there is literally no way to explain this feeling in words).

The idea of fiction being all true is also an interesting concept. If the author has written something from the imagination within his own head, which I suppose is made up of the amalgamation of past experiences and emotions, then isn’t their work real? Or even if not real, isn’t it in some way the truth?

When we write, as I’ve said in my previous post, we often subconsciously let out our inner thoughts. If this is the case, then no matter how exaggerated or fantastical a novel of fiction is, the underlying concepts are actually the undertones of the author’s brain. It’s the author’s truth – it’s wrapped up in lots of wrapping paper like pass the parcel and as we unpick and analyse and uncover each layer we will eventually get to the root of it all. And if the truth isn’t the root of it all, then what is?

Some may wonder why we would even want to read about other people’s truth, but I think that’s the most interesting part about it. We want to read other people’s truths because how else will we ever understand? Reading seems to be the closest way of getting inside someone’s brain without actually opening it up and hopping inside. And why would you skip on that chance? Because knowing how other people feel is not only a comfort if we feel the same, but it is also intriguing and insightful and we learn more about the human race than we ever would otherwise. I’m sure those who have good knowledge of books know far more about other people’s worlds and their lives than anyone who hasn’t. It’s a kind of experience you can’t get through anything else. Reading is so much more than just reading; it’s a whole other world inside your brain.

Recently in creative writing we have been talking about ekphrastic poems (= vivid description of a work of art) and my attempt at one closely links to the subject I’m talking about here, so I thought I’d end on it:

Related image

When I read over the words it was like I became a character of the page, a person born from the author’s mind, popping out of the cover. I had all these words glued to my skin – they weren’t mine, they couldn’t ever be mine, but I felt them like they were. I embodied this body like my body ceased to be. And when I saw someone else like me, popping out into this fantasy land, I took their hand, because I couldn’t let this go, no I couldn’t let this go.

I looked up from the pages and smiled at the guy with a book in the corner.

We were unknowingly connected.

Art – Do We Ever Know What We’re Creating?

A while ago I left a comment on this post talking about art and the act of creating and I guess you could say that inspired me to write this now.

It’s weird because as a writer, there’s loads of ways you can go about writing, although the final result is somewhat the same. Sometimes you take a prompt and write from there; sometimes you create a whole character or world before you start; sometimes you just write off the top of your head and see what happens. I think the latter is the most interesting and that’s mostly what I’ll be talking about here.

A lot of the time I have the urge to just write out of nowhere and so I frequently write with no prompts and just see what happens. It’s always strange because as I’m writing it, I don’t really know what I’m saying; I don’t know what anything means, and I’m not entirely sure if it’s the portrayal of my own thoughts or not. However I feel like a lot of the time we are subconsciously aware of what words we are spilling onto the page all along. Whether we realise it or not, they are probably manipulated versions of our own thoughts; things we’ve buried so deep that they only seem to reappear when we accidentally dig them out.

This has happened to me quite a few times. I write stuff without meaning to say anything and then on reading it over think, oh is this actually how I feel? And it’s kind of like writing helps me learn things about myself that I’m not willing to accept or admit in everyday life. It’s kind of like therapy.

And sometimes writing does become exaggerated. It’s hard to draw up a line between imagination and reality when we’re unsure of our own feelings. But whether they’re real thoughts or not, the process itself is still important. It’s still a release in some way. The escapism of writing is what matters most of all.

Whenever I feel the urge to let something out or explain it in a way that normal words can’t, I turn to writing. And that’s what art in general is all about.

What kind of art is your escape?

Do you ever know what you’re creating?