i pack up all these things
all these important nothings
because i don’t know where else to
the boxes fill with these memories
of broken dolls
lost puzzle pieces
and i don’t know where else to
all i do know is that they will
become dust of the wind
as i walk through that door
and never come back.
it’s funny how these things
will always remind me of home
and that i will find new ways to
love the next one.
important things that became
when everything became nothing
it’s funny how in a tiny box of matches all these matches lie in straight lines in tight spaces as if laid out like people and yet they all match like matches that have been made new to burn. and then cards that are made for a game and yet snap – SNAP – we yell snap at the cards as if it wins us the game but snap cards really just snap like the rest. they snap in half like they snap their pair and are inevitably destroyed. if matches match and snap cards snap and they both are either burnt to their end or snapped into broken pieces then everything seemingly perfect and made for its job in this world is available for destruction. and if everything is available for destruction, then what comes next for us?
So I was flicking through Netflix wondering what to watch when I came across ‘Whiplash’ – a vaguely familiar sounding film and yet I didn’t have a clue what it was about. With J. K Simmons winning an award for best supporting actor I thought, it’s got to be good right? And it was. It was ridiculously good.
‘Whiplash’, to put it briefly, is about a drummer in college who wants to make it big in the world. Andrew joins a band, under the leadership of a guy named Fletcher, where he tries to fight for the core place in order to reach the top. However Fletcher doesn’t take leadership too lightly.
My first thought when I started watching this film was: what the hell is wrong with this guy?! And by that I’m talking about Fletcher. He throws abuse at his students undeservedly for the amount of effort they put in and immediately I felt complete anger towards this guy, because who has the right to put people down like that for simply doing what they love?
What I loved most about this film was the absolute passion that it gave. Although Miles Teller had help from other more experienced players and may have shot these scenes in parts, the end product of his drumming was simply amazing – and even that’s an understatement – because the amount of energy he put into it, along with the facial expressions, made it seem so raw a talent. I loved the way this film was directed, focusing a lot on the close shots of Andrew and Fletcher wherein you could really feel the intimate tension between them as the film progressed. It was undoubtedly frustrating to see how many times Andrew tried and how many times he was put down for it but as it got to the end of the film I begun to see why this was so important.
(*warning spoilers ahead*)
What I took away from the film, most of all, was that if your passion is strong enough no one is ever going to stop you. The last ten minutes of this film was just one of the best moments because the satisfaction I felt as he walked back out onto that stage was just relentless. I felt so goddamn angry when I realised Fletcher had screwed him over again but the fact that he walked straight back on and threw it in his face absolutely made it. If I had been in the audience I would have stood up right there and then and clapped because that’s the kind of determination that barely exists anymore but the kind of determination that is necessary to succeed.
All I can say is I’m so glad I stumbled across this film because it’s definitely made it onto my favourite movies list of all time. And I’ve only just realised it was directed by the same guy who directed La Land Land, so that also explains its magnificence.
Have you seen ‘Whiplash’? What were your thoughts?
Okay so I was scrolling through YouTube a week ago and came across this band called Grayscale and oh my god what have I done; I have been listening to this band on repeat ever since. They’re just so good.
If you’ve read some of my music posts before, you already know I’m a massive fan of pop punk but this band definitely takes a different approach to it than most of the bands I listen to. I think it’s somewhat more toned down and yet at the same it has just as much feeling. I thought I’d share a few of my favourite songs from it, from the beautiful acoustics of “Forever Yours” to the old style of “If I Ever See You Again”. “Fever Dream”, however, is probably my favourite from the album. Enjoy!
Okay I won’t overload you with any more! But definitely check them out because they’re so great. And can I just say the album artwork is amazing!? If it wasn’t that good I don’t think I would have been drawn to click on it.
Let me know if you guys have found any cool music lately!
she would sit on her bed, look at the toys and name them; murmur them between lips that were once sewed up like one of those teddy bears. and she’d ask the bunny for carrots because she longed for them; because she’d often walk into the shining light of the fridge and nothing would be there. and she’d ask the unicorn for colours because she was deprived of it; because she knew that the grey walls and the darkened corridors would never shine anymore. and most of all, what hurt most of all, was she knew nothing would ever change. not whilst the bunny was trapped in a cage. not whilst the unicorn’s horn pierced the skin of her mother. and it was as if this line of toys was the only rainbow in her life – of colour that seemed fake against all the grey clouds of hope. but it was the closest she’d ever get to finding freedom. hugging her toys like family, it was the closest she’d ever get to feeling real.
[so my friend challenged me to write about bunnies, rainbows and unicorns but it turned dark ofc – sorry for the sadness xD]
she stood by the edge of the lake; let the ripples of water before her send a wave of relief through her body. and then she screamed. howled. with everything she’d ever felt. with everything she’d never wanted. and the gulls cried at her pain and the water smashed against the rocks. it was as if the wave of the weather was her internal storm and the rock of her heart had finally – finally – been let loose, crumbling into soil she’d kept dry for too long. and it didn’t matter that the sky darkened with her wail of desperation; that lives dropped from the sky and her body lay defeated at the side of the storm. because the next day she’d return to the world and it would all be new. her voice would be quiet again. her self would be whole.
Admittedly I hadn’t heard of this book until I walked into a taster lecture at UEA and found out we were analysing the opening, however the concept of someone waking up in the morning to find out they’ve turned into a cockroach, immediately intrigued me.
‘Metamorphosis’ is originally German however it’s been translated many times into English. Translation is something I’d never really given much thought to before but it’s actually really interesting how by merely using different synonyms you can create a completely different meaning.
So to put it short, this story is about a guy named Gregor who wakes up as a cockroach and scares the hell out of his family. To be honest, I feel pretty sorry for him – he’s still himself, just in a different body – however his family, although they try to help, won’t treat him the same way. Thinking about it, this kind of correlates to society’s perceptions of others. We mostly live in a world where we are judged primarily on appearance – they say when you walk into an interview they have decided before you have even spoken – and how often you are treated differently depending on how you come across. It’s weird to think that by simply changing your appearance you are seen as a different person to others although inside you are inherently yourself. This is exactly what Gregor experiences in the novel – he is perceived as an animal and thus, a threat, however he is inevitably the same.
This mind vs body theme also made me think about the book as an analogy of the mind. Perhaps Gregor is not physically a cockroach or a beast of sorts but is perceived that way due to his mental state. He woke up one day, internally ill as such, and yet he is perceived as a beast for what his mind has caused him to do. There is undoubtedly a sense of hopelessness in the novel – he remains passive for the entirety of it – and I guess that’s to emphasise that we can’t control the thoughts of others. No matter how much we feel isolated or imprisoned or trapped within the judgements and actions of others we can do nothing but accept them.
I also read up this theory about the meaning behind the apple scene, wherein Gregor’s father throws apples at his back. It said that this could relate to the Fall when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden. Eating the apple somewhat created evil in what was made a perfect world and so by the apples hitting Gregor’s back, it is the beginning of suffering for someone who had perhaps felt it undeserved. I just found this really interesting because whilst reading it, I hadn’t thought of it like this.
As a whole, ‘Metamorphosis’ is short and at parts felt slightly slow and unclimatic, however altogether I love the concepts behind it and I think that’s enough to get you thinking more about how it relates to society and the world we live in. Therefore, I definitely think it’s worth a read 🙂