childhood bedroom. [flash fiction]

So in one of my creative writing seminars we were asked to write something based on a prompt. I chose ‘your childhood bedroom’ and afterwards we were to read back over it and see how many different senses we used to describe the scene. I included sight and sound – being primary senses, we often tend to rely on these the most – but it’s actually really interesting how most of the time writers overlook the lesser used senses such as smell and taste. [I feel like the introduction to this is definitely longer than the piece itself but oh well, here it is]

Bed tucked into the corner, I remember the room so well. Bookshelves of education and planets spinning above my head, as if I was in the entire universe whilst merely standing still. Dolls. And lost toys. And so many, too many pink clothes. I could look out the window and see trains running by, a humming noise above the silence when I tried to sleep at night. Until it became a room full of boxes and a wallpaper of memories. It’s funny how the bedroom only returns in my dreams.

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Car park. [flash-fiction]

So I’ve already shared this piece on Instagram, but here’s some flash fiction inspired by a sign at an Aldi car park.

You’re sitting in the car park in the dark. Sirens. Wasted radio noise humming above the speakers. Wasted mind noise humming inside your head. Dark. Sirens. Glazed light across the windshield. Not enough to see above the noise of the dark. Sirens. So many sirens in this car of yours, running down veins and puncturing tyres. In this car park there are so many just like you, yet you’re here after dark when there’s only one and a half hours max stay. Dark. Sirens. Does everything have a limit? 

Neck Deep Concert!

So last night I went to see Neck Deep in concert!! To give you context, I found out they were playing at my uni before I had even arrived, but I had to get tickets because I’ve never seen them live before and they’re one of my favourite bands (if not my favourite). The thing about concerts is it’s such an ‘in the moment’ thing and despite wanting to enjoy it at the time, I also like to look back on things. So I’ve decided to write a blog post to remind me of everything that happened that I haven’t necessarily captured on camera.

First, going to the concert involved dragging one of my friends along because unfortunately I don’t actually know anyone who likes the band. But thank you to Life of an Introvert for going with me even though it’s not your kind of music, like I genuinely really appreciate it!

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Signings, badge and wristband!

We turned up at the venue at around 5ish because as part of my early birthday present I got tickets for the pre-show exclusives. This meant eating really early and then trying to put on “soundcheck club” wristbands which took me way longer than it should have done. We also got given these badges as well which I wasn’t expecting at all! After waiting for a bit with around 20-30 other people, we then went into the venue and got to listen to the soundcheck! It was really weird there being such few people but it was really relaxed and then a few people asked some questions. Afterwards we got a chance to get something signed from the band and then a photo with them which was really cool!

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Soundcheck!

We then had to wait around for a bit before the actual show and I was slightly freezing but hey. Eventually we got to go inside and we got a place right at the front left which was cool. The first support act was a band called Woes who I’ve never listened to before but they were actually really good and I’ll definitely be checking out their music. Then Real Friends and As It Is performed who are two bands I love so I was hyped that they were chosen to perform at the same concert!

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Main show!

Before Neck Deep came on to perform, a white curtain was put across the stage whilst they set it up which was a bit mysterious but then the excitement kicked in when you could hear them coming onto the stage and the lights started flashing frantically. A concert in general is quite a hard thing to describe because you have to be there to really feel it, but it was so good being around a load of people who love the same music as you and just jumping and singing along with everyone. At one point it got a bit wild and a load of us fell into a pile and I literally almost got trampled on, but apart from that it was all good and I survived! And they played a variety of songs from all of their albums so there was a good mixture, including my favourites of the new album: Motion Sickness, Don’t Wait and The Grand Delusion. I don’t remember exactly what happened but at one point someone threw Maoam’s at the stage and then either Ben or Fil (wow my memory is so bad) threw back the apple ones because they didn’t like them apparently.

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Confetti!

 

As you get at most concerts, there was then an encore at the end. There were flashing signs at the centre stage saying “Fuck Neck Deep” whilst the band were offstage and the crowd started shouting it – apparently we were the only ones so far to do that on the tour which was kind of surprising. They then, of course, returned for the final two songs! It ended with confetti thrown from the ceiling and I’m glad I got a photo of this because it looks really cool!

 

 

Overall, I had such a great night and I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be at a concert that good again, seeing as 3 of my favourite bands were there! Due to being near the front, I am slightly deaf but hopefully that’ll die down (without me going with it) and I can listen back to all the videos properly.

Have any of you been to a concert recently? How was it?

excitement. [poem]

This is something that for some reason I was thinking about at like 1am last night and I’m glad I remembered so I could just drop it here.

sometimes I worry if excitement exists anymore.

when I was a child excitement meant

running around the kitchen screaming;

smiling as if there was a giant half button

pinned to my face 

and it’s glowing yellow.

it meant doing literally anything

like eating your veggies

just to get a slice of

chocolate cake.

but now it’s like this thing

looming

hovering

and I’m like ooh there it is

excitement is happening

and I say “ohh that’s so great”

and that’s it.

am I meant to feel it any more deeply than

just this?

because sometimes I’m afraid

that I’m losing everything

I ever felt.

Remember [flash-fiction]

Since I’ve been at uni I haven’t posted in ages, so here’s a random flash fiction thing. It’s not wonderful but will do as a filler for a better post. 

I would never have come here if I’d known that the earth would reduce to such a whisper; that the ground would shake like a hurricane; that I’d be trapped in so much lost thought – like an inflated yet deflated balloon. The skies were blue and the light was painted watercolour, in remembrance of the memories I didn’t want to remember. Remember. Remember. I never would have come here to remember. 

Phobias

So I kind of wanted to write a post about phobias because I think a lot of the time they aren’t really taken seriously and it frustrates me. When someone is irrationally scared of something it’s hard for someone, from an outsider’s perspective, to understand how they are fearful when the subject is probably something so minute and common and I wish people would try to be a bit more empathetic.

For most of my life, I’ve always been terrified of spiders. There was a time when I was around eleven and I went camping to a field full of them. I saw one crawl into my suitcase and I refused to do anything before anyone got rid of it. Thankfully, a kind someone emptied out my entire suitcase and reloaded it just so that I would be okay. But it sounds ridiculous, right?

Whilst I used to hate spiders, my fear of them has grown. I used to be able to stay in a room with one even if I couldn’t sleep. I used to be able to actually catch them and dispose of them. But now, I can’t even get close. It’s like there’s this barricade in my mind and I can’t get past it.

From some recent experiences, I think I know that this has progressed into a phobia, rather than just a dislike. I have to physically psych myself up to even go close to get rid of one, and the other day I had such a meltdown I had to leave it in the end. And it’s so goddamn frustrating, because you’re so aware that it’s irrational and you’re so aware it’s stupid but you can literally do absolutely nothing about it because you’re terrified.

I guess what I wanted to say in this post is that if someone tells you they have a phobia, you have to take it seriously. I feel like a lot of the time when I start panicking over spiders people tell me to “calm down” or that it’s “not going to hurt you” and it’s like wow you don’t think I know that? It’s like a reflex reaction – you have no control. Yes you may be alright with spiders but that doesn’t mean I am. And the same goes to everything else – just because you can deal with things doesn’t mean everyone else can. 

About to move into a uni dorm soon, I am slightly terrified if I encounter any spiders in my new room if I’m being perfectly honest. It sounds ridiculous but obviously I don’t have a parent to shout out to for help so I’m going to have to face the fear and get rid of them I guess (or sleep in the corridor because to be honest, that’s more likely). But either way, let’s hope it’ll be alright! 

I’m not sure whether I’m going to post this yet because a) I haven’t actually ranted on this blog for a while and b) this is probably the most personal informal post I’ve put on here because mostly I stick to poetry and writing to express this side of me. But if this does actually get published and somehow stays up, then just know that this was kind of difficult to say, especially because I know phobias of spiders are often seen as really pathetic. But it’s important to share to remind people that it’s still real! 

Fear is still real even if it is inside your head.

The Discovery [Film Review]

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So ‘The Discovery’ is a recent film that has graced Netflix with it’s both mind-blowing and inventive philosophical ideas. I knew as soon as I read the premise, it was going to be a film I’d enjoy a lot and I definitely one hundred percent did!

Based around the concept of an afterlife, ‘The Discovery’ unravels (or discovers, should I say) a futuristic world where there is proof of life after death. Whilst the scientist Dr Harbor himself and many others are content with the news, remaining grounded in reality, others are so overwhelmed that they begin to take their own lives, just so that they can experience it. Will – the son of Dr Harbor – is intrigued but not entirely convinced by the discovery, and so it is the story of Will, alongside the stranger that is Isla, that presents how the Discovery really came about and whether the afterlife can actually be proved.

What I loved about this film from the beginning was the kind of interactions the characters had. There is a beginning scene where Will initially meets Isla and they speak of names and how names suit people up to a certain age and then they either grow into them or completely go against how they are as a person. Oddly enough, I found this quite an interesting conversation. It was just different to the usual meetings of strangers you see in films, where they introduce each other to their working life and hobbies and that’s about it. All the conversations seemed to have so much more depth to them in this movie, adding of course to the depth the movie has in itself, and I loved how the bonds progressed whilst also not really progressing at all.

At the start of the film, I guessed that the movie would end with one of the characters – probably Will – either waking up to an afterlife or falling into darkness. It seemed kind of predictable. However, there was an unexpected twist at the end which thankfully saved  me from being right and the film being just mediocre.

I think the ending was probably a lot more confusing than it had to be, if I’m being honest. It took a bit of time for me to reflect on it because it happened so fast and it was all a bit jumbled, however once it had sunk in, it really was very well thought out. It’s something that gets you thinking for hours and days because the afterlife is something so uncertain that really any opinion on it you have is acceptable. One thing I liked about the film was that although the ending could be confusing to some, it does leave many interpretations open for the viewer. You can incorporate your own ideas into the conclusion or take what you see and analyse it.

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 (*spoilers ahead*)

In my opinion, the ending where Will ends up on the beach with Isla’s son is the greatest ending of the life he could have lead. By saving Isla’s son, he is in turn saving Isla because the only reason she wanted to commit suicide in the first place was because of him. Whilst they don’t recognise each other, there is a hint that perhaps Will does. He turns round at the last minute to look back at Isla and it seems like maybe there is something deep inside of him that remembers. However in my head, I think he turns back round because it’s so far down he can’t really reach it. But there is still a sense of hope. Although they couldn’t be together, they both remain alive in this life and I think that’s the ultimate message – to be alive is better than any of it.

Overall, I loved this movie purely because of its depth of meaning and because I’m always up for movies based on philosophical ideas and concepts. I think if you’re ready to think and be overwhelmed in the most interesting way, this movie is definitely for you. And I’d love it if you could let me know if you have watched it too! 🙂