The Solipsistic Space of My Mind [Flash Fiction]


It’s soft against my palm – this cardboard. It’s soft, but sturdy. Breakable, yet strong. Kind of like a brain.

Kind of like your brain.

I’m feeling trapped – ha, I guess you could say that. Arms are barely stretched out either side of me. Palms are out like I’m giving out some sort of signal.

Let me out signal let me out.

A box of the mind – that’s what they call it. My fingers were running across the keyboard searching for it.

Soli –

Solipi –

Solipsism. The philosophical idea that only one’s own mind is sure to exist. Wikipedia says so. Wikipedia doesn’t lie.

But does my own mind?

My nails can scratch at the card and it feels real, honestly. I can taste that newly cardboard smell like freshly delivered parcels to a home that, perhaps, doesn’t even exist. My toes are squished against my shoes that are probably my mind’s idea of keeping my toes to myself. Because who else would want to see my toes? Because everyone else is real, honestly.

Honestly honestly aren’t they.

Maybe the voices that are drumming inside my head are only practice games. Practice conversations before I allow them to bounce into the world. They pound on the cardboard bruising my brain and I hear these echoes echoes echoes and I call them people.

But what are people.

Do I live in a box and call it a world because I have nothing without it? It seems there is no proof that I really sit on this chair and type my way into a blog. It seems there really isn’t any proof that any of you exist. Oh not really.

Not really at all ever really.

I’m stuck scraping this cardboard – that sickly ghastly scratching of cardboard – ripping your ears until they shred your sound into dust. It’s all goddamn dust. I’m making a world of my mind in the hope that maybe this one will disappear.

I can’t be the only one to exist

I can’t be the only one to

I can’t be the only one

I can’t be the only

I can’t be the

I can’t be

I can’t be.


definitions. [flash fiction? random deep thinking? honestly I don’t know]

It’s so weird how to give a definition of a word we use other words. There’s no way of defining something without using it in a different form. It’s as if there’s no completely new answer to anything. It’s as if we’ve got ourselves into such a mess that we can’t even disentangle ourselves anymore – because it’s just too complicated, because we’re in too deep.

We answer to tears with tears and we answer to voices with our own one. It’s kind of like an imitation game; sometimes we’re so stuck for ideas we just play along with what we already know. We play along with what we know because it’s right there in front of us.

Give me a definition. Go on, give me one.

But don’t throw another word in my direction.

Show me something new.

Show me something different.

Education Manipulation

So following my post a while ago analysing a photo from Instagram, here I am to try it again! 


This photo, in a way, embodies education. It kind of stood out to me, as a student, and I thought it might be interesting to a lot of other teen bloggers out there, or anyone really. It’s clear that the book represents Literature itself but I also think it represents the teaching of Literature and how it is expressed. The fact that there are nails along the side of it suggests some sort of limitation. Education seems to hammer nails into good literature until you’re forced to study it rather than really enjoy it. I think this is something that most of us can relate to on some level – what happened to learning because we’re simply interested in it, rather than learning just for the sake of it? Reading a book to fully understand the concepts and the depth is rare; instead the deeper meanings of the book are nailed down so we are forced to only learn the outer layer – because if it isn’t needed in an exam, then what is the point in it? Personally, I hate this attitude to learning, but I’m glad that the further up I get in education, the more nails are coming undone. Perhaps at university I will finally be able to open the book in its entirety.

Another aspect of the photo that is implied and that I also find interesting, is the book’s resemblance to a coffin. Instead of the usual cuboid shape, it instead suggests the pinning down of something that has died. Perhaps this could be the book’s characters – they are never really known by the reader because they are never really read. Or, it could be the reader. Education is somewhat fatal in the way it burdens a lot of students with unnecessary stress, but the exam methods a lot of the time limit our abilities. Particularly with English, I find that having a limited time to write about a book is ridiculous. The author didn’t sit down and write it in 2 hours, so how are we meant to completely unpick a piece of work that was created so intricately in this short space of time? The death of our imagination is somewhat enclosed in the coffin as education trains us to work in a straight line, rather than move to our own shape and ability. Education holds the hammer and we’re as passive as the nails themselves – them using us for their own gain without really understanding our point of view.

I think that, overall, this is such an interesting photo because there’s so much you can pull out of it. I’d love to know what you guys think too, so please drop a comment below if you have time!


Answering “big talk” questions!

A week ago I published a blog post about why I hate small talk and why we should “big talk”. I gave you all a list of questions and some of you answered them which was really great and I enjoyed looking at it from a different perspective. Here I will be sharing my own answers in response to the questions so you can learn a bit more about me in return 🙂

1. Do you believe in life after death? How would you want to live on in the afterlife? How do you think you’ll live on?

To be honest, I’m unsure of whether there’s a life after death. I’m the kind of person who needs proof to completely believe in something and so I have no real conclusion about it. However, it does scare me to think that when we leave this world there is a void of nothingness, so I like to think that there is some sort of purpose. Ideally, I think it would be cool to be reincarnated and live again in another body. I find it quite hard to comprehend at times – the idea of not remembering a past life is a confusing thought – but I still like to think that it will happen, just so that I have some sort of purpose or that I can come back and change things I would have liked to have done before.

2. Do you think there is an alternate reality and if so, how does it correspond to this world?

Again, there is no proof of an alternate reality so I am neither a believer nor non-believer, but I love thinking about the concept of one. Sometimes we all have days where we feel happy or down for no reason and perhaps that corresponds to an alternate reality where we feel the opposite of our other self. The idea of there being another version of me is pretty weird, but also kind of exciting. I don’t know. Maybe it exists or maybe it doesn’t. But maybe someday we’ll find out!

3. Do you believe in soulmates or having more than one?

I’m not sure I really believe in soulmates, however I do believe that there are some people you have an instant connection with – whether that is as friends or as a relationship. Some people you easily click with and others you don’t. Some people you become closer too quicker than others who you may have known for ages. It’s unpredictable. Therefore I think if you considered these connections as “soulmates” of some sort, you can have more than one, yes.

4. Is anything in this world real?

To be honest, it isn’t guaranteed that it is. This is all we’ve known so how we would know otherwise? We could be part of a video game. We could be a made up dream inside someone’s head. Maybe I’m the only person who exists in this world and everything else, including all of you guys, is a figment of my imagination. But either way, to prevent myself going insane, I have to pretend that it is all real. And after all, it is real enough. If we haven’t known any different, it has to be considered our reality.

5. Is evil born within someone or does it grow with age?

I don’t think that anyone was born evil; I’m pretty sure we were all born somewhat pure. Society and other people’s influences on our lives is what shapes us into a good or evil person. Everyone has the potential for goodness and everyone has the potential to be evil. Some are just unlucky in the path of life they’ve taken and things have caused them to become a worse off person than they could have been. However I do think that some people are more susceptible to becoming evil than others, depending on their personality. This is not something that can be helped and so really the person themselves cannot be blamed, but there are certain traits and attributes which might make someone more vulnerable to aspects of life, and thus lash out in different ways. Considering this, I therefore believe that no one is actually born evil, but some people are born with a higher susceptibility to become it.

6. Does true freewill exist?

Again, this is something that is pretty debatable because there is really no way of knowing whether we have actual freewill. We like to think that we do. When we make decisions we are pretty sure they are coming from our own brain. But really, how can we prove that they are? Perhaps our future actions are already determined and there is a higher being that knows exactly what route we will take – has chosen what route we will take. It’s inevitably impossible to know how free we really are.

7. What is considered art?

This is a difficult one because in some sense, everything is art. When I think of the concept of art I see it as something that I can extract a meaning or story from. It expresses an emotion or an experience in perhaps an abstract way. Holistically, anything can do this. You can take a meaning out of anything in this world and give it a life if you choose to. However I think what makes true art is something that someone has created from within the realms of their head, rather than something that is natural. It goes against the laws of nature and becomes a mind-process rather than a physical process. This of course rules out nature, but for those who believe in God, nature may be believed to be designed by Him so surely that is art too? Even a bottle of hand soap, for instance, was designed by someone so isn’t that art too? This makes it quite complicated to draw a line between what is or what is not art. Therefore I think it is conclusively a subjective concept. What you think expresses meaning is meaningful enough to be art for you. It may not be art to someone else but it is still art. Really, there is no way of proving otherwise.

8. Does complete happiness exist or is it just an unobtainable concept?

Without trying to sound completely cynical, I don’t think complete happiness can ever really be achieved. I think happiness as a concept exists – of course it does – and there are many things in this world that make people smile and cause a sense of enjoyment. However the fact that the opposite of these things exist too – that we are also weighed down by sadness and stress and tragedies – means that there is no way to completely clear our head of what is “bad”. And without clearing our head of what is “bad”, how can we be completely happy? We can become close, but we can never actually reach it.

9. Is there ever a right or wrong? Is anything really objective?

There are lots of things in this world that are seemingly objective – government laws and educational grades – however when you really think about it, these aren’t really objective at all. If they were initially created by people, they were initially created by an individual thought which in itself is a matter of opinion. Not everyone has the same opinion – it is impossible to – and so really the creation of laws were a matter of subjectivity. We have been forced to follow them objectively despite their roots and have become accustomed to not do otherwise. We can even think about language itself – it is objective as in there is a right and wrong way to use it, however it was once created by people just like us who made it up out of nowhere. It was merely a sense of imaginative thinking. Everything that exists today originated from a sense of subjective thinking and so can anything really be considered right or wrong if it all stems from human intuition?

10. Can we really believe anything anyone says when we have only experienced our own conscious reality?

This last question kind of links to the previous one in that it questions the strength of a sense of duty in this world, however it also mentions our own conscious reality and how we see things. I find it really interesting how we can never really see anything from someone else’s perspective, no matter how hard we try. We can come close to it, but it will never be the same because, as the question says, we have only ever experienced our own conscious reality. This makes it difficult for us to believe in what people say because ultimately we can’t really trust anything when we have no complete proof. However I think that we have to trust to some extent because that is the only way to move forward in our lives. We may not ever understand the reality of others but we can get to know them from an outsiders perspective and for some, this is enough. Whilst I often wish I could delve into the lives of others to know what it’s really like, I know it’s not possible (or not yet, anyway) and so we must make do with how things are. Maybe some people are not genuine but that’s just how life is.

So overall, this post turned out a lot longer than I expected. I’m sure most of you won’t have read through all of that but I am going to post it anyway as I think it’ll be nice to look back on this in a few years time to see if any of my views have changed.

I hope summer is going well for you all and I wish anyone who is getting A level results on Thursday a lot of luck! I hope you all get the grades you deserve! 🙂

Why I hate small talk – let’s “big talk”!

The idea for this post stemmed from a video I watched on YouTube a while ago – the idea that some of us out there are more interested in what is known as “big talk” rather than “small talk”. This is the concept of approaching someone and asking them deeper questions which revolve around us and our existence or the personal experiences of someone else, rather than the everyday questions of “how are you?”

This is something that I’ve contemplated for a while, being someone who finds the overused conversation of “hi, how are you?”, “yeah I’m good, how are you?”, “I’m good too, thanks” really irritating. I find that if you don’t know the person well enough, then the likelihood of you actually opening up to the question to give a meaningful answer is very low, so what is the point in asking it?

The woman in this video puts together a selection of clips where she asks strangers deeper questions and I love the idea of this. It gets people to actually dig their brain for a suitable answer and think beyond the realms of everyday thinking which is a lot more beneficial than replying by reflex. So I thought, why not bring the same to the blogging world?

I will ask an array of questions below that are considered “big talk” and it would be great if you could pick one (or as many as you like) to answer in the comments and we can have a discussion! Similarly, if you have a question you’d like to share, feel free to share it too as I’d love to answer 🙂

  1. Do you believe in life after death? How would you want to live on in the afterlife? How do you think you’ll live on?
  2. Do you think there is an alternate reality and if so, how does it correspond to this world?
  3. Do you believe in soulmates or having more than one?
  4. Is anything in this world real?
  5. Is evil born within someone or does it grow with age?
  6. Does true freewill exist?
  7. What is considered art?
  8. Does complete happiness exist or is it just an unobtainable concept?
  9. Is there ever a right or wrong? Is anything really objective?
  10. Can we really believe anything anyone says when we have only experienced our own conscious reality?

You can now read my answers to these questions here.

Image result for small talk

Interpreting a Random Photo off of Instagram

On Instagram I follow a variety of accounts – mostly writers, as well as a few people I know – however I also follow a few accounts  with photos which make you think a lot about the intent behind them and how they relate to us as people in society. The photo below is one I came across and I guess I just thought it’d be something interesting to discuss.


I think this photo particularly expresses how much and the extent to which we are influenced by the media. One of my first responses to it was “society’s lies kill us inside”, originally not meaning to rhyme, however I think this sums up the photo in its briefest stance.

Everyday we are somehow connected to the media whether it is through social media or the television and we are driven by what it tells us to do or we are driven internally to follow the roles of others. However, have we ever stopped to think if any of it is actually true? When you watch the news, you believe it, but technically its evidence isn’t completely trustworthy – no evidence is completely trustworthy when said from the mouth of someone else. This photo encapsulates the idea that perhaps we are foolish for following something that isn’t even real – it’s merely a concept. It doesn’t matter, as a whole, what others say. You should do things out of your own accord and your own strength.

Of course, the long nose relates to the well known image of Pinocchio and a sense of distrust, however the fact that it is skewered through the man in the chair reflects just how much it affects us, even if we feel we are disengaged. It is easy to say that we can “take a break” from these things, but is it ever possible to completely “take a break”, when it has such control over our lives? The man in the photo may feel empowered and comfortable listening to the news but oblivious to how it is harming him internally. The lies or misconceptions through others, if we’re speaking to the extremes, could kill you – not directly of course, but through rises in stress and mental health issues, which I believe are partly caused by the media; how everyone feels the need to “keep up an appearance”.

Overall I just thought this was something interesting to discuss. I mean, after all, even this blog could be considered partial to this subject as a place on the internet. However, personally, I feel being here is a lot different. Here, it’s so much easier to fall into your own wavelength and be your own person, whereas elsewhere I still feel there is a lot of stigma.

It’d be really nice to hear all your thoughts on this too, so please leave a comment on how you interpret the photo 🙂 and let me know if you’d like to see more of these posts in the future.

Where do you feel most Exposed? 

Have you ever felt like the whole of your soul in its entirety has been seen? As if in one particular moment someone could embody everything you feel and everything you’ve ever felt in perhaps even the simplest of tasks?

I don’t know about all of you, but blogging is definitely a way of opening up. It’s a form of exposure to yourself that perhaps no one else in your everyday life may see. So I thought it’d be interesting to discuss what makes you feel exposed, perhaps even outside of blogging – perhaps outside of direct speech but something of a more indirect nature.

For me, I feel most exposed either writing or playing the piano. These are my outlets and my way of expressing things that perhaps are laying knowingly on my conscious or unconsciously. I think a lot of the time people put up barriers around others and sometimes I think that no one really knows anyone which is quite sad but also comforting I guess? However I think indirectly these barriers can be let down. That’s definitely where music and writing lie in my life – music is kind of like my physical expression of emotions, instead of through facial expressions or everyday gestures, and then writing is like my mental and literary expression of emotions, instead of through simply talking. They’re my places to go when I have something itching to be felt or let out and I think whilst exposure is terrifying, these things are necessary sometimes to remind yourself of who you are and help with self-reflection, but also to simply de-stress.

Maybe you think I’m thinking too much about this – and maybe I am😂 But hey, I find it interesting and I’d generally like to know if I’m the only one who feels like this. Soo please feel free to comment and join in on feeling exposed (because sharing this post I suppose is kind of exposing my exposure in itself)